Soviet Streetwalker

Soviet Streetwalker

3 oz vodka
6 oz diet 7-Up

Pour contents over ice and mix thoroughly. A zippy drink to help you survive the blistering cold of melancholy Russian street corners.

The Eggy Beaner

The Eggy Beaner

2 slices bread
1 can baked beans
1 egg

Microwave the beans on high in a microwave safe container for two and a half minutes. Fry the egg according to your personal style. Heat the bread until it converts to its toast form. Heap the beans onto the bread, and set the egg jauntily atop them. Pending verification, we here at JA's Three Minute Kitchen assume that this is what the British eat for nearly every meal.

Pita Pizza (with thanks to Heather Blackwell)

Pita Pizza (with thanks to Heather Blackwell)

1 flour tortilla
1 tbsp tomato sauce
2 oz shredded mozzarella
4 cubic in tofu
2 small sprigs broccoli
2 small red peppers

This recipe is submitted by our lighting technician here at JA's Three Minute Kitchen, Heather Blackwell. Simply apply an even coating of sauce upon the tortilla, cut the tofu and peppers into tiny chunklets, break the broccoli into similarly-sized spriglets, and spread all ingredients evenly throughout the sauce. Toast in a toaster oven at 400º for 10 minutes or whenever the cheese has achieved a state of satisfactory gooiness and the tortilla has become lightly crisped at its edges. This healthy and quick snack is great for any time of day, or if you prefer, it can be the only thing you ever eat, like three times a day or more every single day of the week with maybe a spoonful of peanut butter here and there to break up the monotony and add some extra protein to your diet or whatever.

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time Peanut Butter Jelly Time

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time Peanut Butter Jelly Time

2 slices bread
2 tsp peanut butter
2 tsp jelly

A classic favorite packed in school lunches across America, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich never fails to satisfy. Simply spread the peanut butter upon one slice of bread, the jelly upon the other, and press them firmly together. Slice crosswise or diagonal, according to the popular style of the times. Cut off the crusts and serve with a cool glass of milk for added nostalgia.

Nopales? No Problem!

Nopales? No Problem!

1 large cactus leaf
3 eggs
1/2 cup milk
A dash of baking soda
Salt and pepper

The nopal cactus leaf, also known as Indian Fig Opuntia and prickly pear, is cultivated and eaten in many parts of the world, and is making its debut in the Three Minute Kitchen. Fresh cactus leaf will probably still have some spines on it, and these can be easily removed by scrubbing the surface of the leaf with a standard kitchen scrubbing pad. Once you are convinced that there are no more hazardous spines to lacerate the tender flesh of your mouth, slice the cactus into french-fry-like pieces. Toss these into a pot and cover with cold water. Bring the water to a boil, lower the heat, and simmer for 10 or so minutes. Add a dash of baking soda towards the end of the simmering interval to help extract the unpleasant slime from inside the cactus. Use a colander to drain. Meanwhile, crack three eggs into a bowl and mix thoroughly with milk. Butter a frying pan and pour both the egg/milk mixture and the cactus into the pan. Stir regularly, scrambling the eggs with the cactus pieces. Salt and pepper to taste. A hearty breakfast for those who enjoy flavorless mouthfuls of slime.

Toast Deluxe

Toast Deluxe

2 slices bread
2 tbsp peanut butter
2 tsp honey

Toast the toast in the standard fashion of the times. Drizzle the one half of the allotted quantity of honey upon the toast. Spread the peanut butter, distributed evenly, between the two slices of toast. Drizzle the remaining honey atop the peanut butter, careful to maintain a balanced honey ratio between the two slices. The blend of sugars, saturated fats, and gluten in this snack is sure to make it a 'comfort food' favorite, particularly among breakfast-enthusiasts who are not the 'go-getter' type.

Cap'n Crabuluxe's High Seas Salad

Cap'n Crabuluxe's High Seas Salad

1 lb imitation crab meat
3 tbsp mayonnaise
2 tsp Old Bay Seasoning
2 stalks celery
2 stalks scallions

Arr matey! Haul anchor and prepare for tasty adventure on the high seas! Chop yer vegetables finely and break the crab into bite-size chunklets. Toss these things in a mixing bowl from the galley and add yer mayonnaise and spices, stirring torrentially like the stormy sea. This delicious salad ought keep a mutinous crew at bay, and the vegetables'll help yer men fight off the threat of scurvy fer another day. Serve with grog.